Notes from 2018 // note 4

Back in Malvern. My birthday. 33.

How is it possible that I am the great old age of 33? I quite like the way this sounds, like a rounded number. Thirty Three. I think I am amongst some sort of weird fog/crisis and feeling a bit wobbly. Maybe its the new age. Thirty-three is slightly different from 32/31/30. It feels like you should most definitely have your shit together; life/kids/house/career. I am sort of dangling in some sort of abyss. I seem to have bits and pieces sorted and am surviving. But I am not thriving. SO. There that is. I feel very much like these photos, surrounded by a fog that consumes everything and unable to see much in front and behind me… I feel a bit stuck and fuzzy. It must be that time of year. I usually relish in winter. But this January and half of february I have found it hard to get up and go. I feel like everyone has suffered these past two months. I can’t wait for spring to come and blow out those cobwebs. Lighter nights and warmer days. Being outside. Long walks.

These photos were taken on a random wednesday, at the beginning of the year. One of those days when it is all foggy and gloomy. When everyone has returned to work after the festivities of the festive season. That wednesday happened to be my birthday the 10th.

We decided on going out for a long walk around Malverns’ charity shops. The only aim was to hunt gems and get cake (it was my birthday after all!).
(how much is that puppy in the window?!)
We went to my favourite pub ever ever… we had fish and chips and a very good pint!

Malvern is also one of my favourite places. The streets are so grand and beautiful. It makes me feel like I am stepping back in time every time I visit and walk around these streets imagining the grand houses and who occupied them. It was suitably gloomy and a thick fog had settled down so low. I have a thing with tree skeletons. Their beautiful spindly fingers are so elegant and graceful. A blurry picture of some cake but proof I managed to stuff some cake in my face.

Does this look like a horror film or a set from an old theatre scene about some vile being? Love it!

So one last note from England and then we shall move onto daily life here!

Life lately…

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Hello! Its been a while since I have sat with my laptop and opened up this little white box to write an update. The week in photos came to a stop for a while after the last round of treatment as I have been feeling totally whacked out from it, both physically and emotionally. I just haven’t felt like sharing a whole lot. I took a big break from my daily project and everything really and I still feel like I am gathering up the pieces a little bit. However I have missed these updates and diary like entries. I love looking back on them and seeing what I have been up to and reading where I was. I also want this space to be more about my work and what inspires me. My little corner of the internet and my home. I want to make sure that I am updating this place for the right reasons, because I want to and feel like and not because I have a schedule to keep and feel like I ought to. So yep. Weekly updates will most likely continue but they won’t be forced and I will update when and where I wish. Non of that scheduled best time of day blogging for views shite. I love my little blog and want to nuture it and want it to feel natural and like me. I know the blogging world feels dead at some points but I want to do it because I love recording, writing, remembering and creating content. In fact thats one thing I have realised about my self. I LOVE CONTENT CREATING. I want this to feel real and not some weird false instagram version of myself. I think we are all getting a bit bored of the perfectly created sponsored posts right? I get it, blogging and content takes an absolute AGE to do and put together and why should their not be some monetary reward for that? But its making the right, conscious intelligent choices and also not being scared to be different and stand out and have a voice. Its alright if its not all polished, in fact the blogs I love the most are those that show interesting, different things and not in a weird stylized, shiny box. GAH! I needed to get that off my chest. I feel like I can take a step forward now and get back to doing what I love without feeling all the pressure.

So where have I been at? In a black lonely hole to be honest. I haven’t been feeling all too great at all. I have been trying to make the most of my “up” moments by getting out on walks and sitting in my favourite cafe and trying to buck myself up a bit. Its been hard to do and I still feel like I am there. Is it ok to admit that I am not ok? I am not. Just for the record. Not working, not being able to go out, feeling guilty when I do go out, not seeing friends, not having family, being stuck creatively and just feeling in a lot of pain has taken its toll. Funnily enough the moment I start to embark on a project about my illness is when I become stuck and unable to continue and hating everything I do. I think maybe the project is still a bit too raw and I don’t have enough perspective on it to feel great. Alas push through I shall do.

So here are some bits and pieces (that might be the new name of this here feature) of my life lately. Oh and a video from last summer that I hatched together that never saw the light of day.

Back for more next week. I am thinking of doing another weekly what I am working on round up that is separate to this. However not made my mind up yet? What do you think? An illustrators week in photos including bits and pieces or bits and pieces and a separate post with just my work? How have you all been? I hope not in the same black hole as me! <3


My week in photos- 3


My week has been a very quiet one, scans, doctors appointments, a lovely lunch date, more doctors and a lot of time spent at home. Unfortunately there have been two poorly ones at home. Borja has badly sprained his ankle and is having to rest it which has resulted in long solo walks with doggy listening to a lot of podcasts (serial and womens’ hour mainly- hooray for them both!). I am not sure where the time goes and how it runs away so fast. I have kept myself very busy with drawing and watching Luther (!)pancakeTuesday was pancake day, and I gorged myself silly on them. Lemon and sugar being my Faves! Love pancake day, its one of my favourite childhood memories and foods. It was always so exciting knowing that after school on a random Tuesday in February there would be a pancake feast. Its days and traditions like this that I make sure to celebrate as they make me feel a little less homesick and lost.

marmitepaint offficemess

Lots of time staring at this wall and all of my things. I definitely own too much and need a BIG spring clean. I seem to collect Marmite jars. They come in handy to store pens and other such things and I love the way they look. This mini one is used for paint water.


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Much appreciated and needed lunch dates with the lovely Silje and her mummy. Amazing burgers and ice-cream for dessert and naughty trips to sephora. I love this gal very much, she is a wise good one. Can’t wait to meet her little bebe!

ribbon ribbon2 buildingbarcelona pgdegraciafeetSome Barcelona goodness here, A ribbon shop! A shop dedicated to selling ribbons only. Its so typical to find a shop like this here, so compartmentalised! Also yet more beautiful buildings, this city is full of them. There is a lot of ugly to though. Lets just pretend that the ugly doesn’t exist. And finally I will never ever bore of the amazing floor tiles in Passeig de Gracia. Oh and of my amazing (albeit scuffed- thanks mum) disco shoes.

pleasingfruit kitchentable deermirror wallfavouritesYet more time at, you’ve guessed it, home. Pleasing apples, and messy messy kitchen tables. I love paper cutting so much, in my own way though. Deer antlers left over from christmas, but they shall be staying! And my favourite things on a wall (print by my mate g-koko) and my weird hand print (where I can see it as a good reminder!) also a print from my boy.

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This months theme for #sarieshanddrawnyear has been my favourite things. This week has been dedicated to my favourite foods. Not all very healthy but yanno. Soup though, and details of it here. I totally underestimated the amount of work in this daily project, but it keeps me sane and a few hours working away at this makes me feel like I am chipping away at my goal.

busgreybeach beachgrey2 beachgrey coffeediaryThe grey has finally arrived here in Barcelona!! Bus journeys to the hospital (it sits right on the beach!) and beach spying. I love the beach when the weather is miserable. The colours and the angry swirling sea. I have also been planning and trying to get my life together a bit whilst waiting for appointments in the hospital cafeteria. Bring on next week!

A november walk


Its ironic really, ironic in the fact that I live in the country of the sun. Where everyday is sunny. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am allergic to the sun, it makes me so tired and I feel baked quite literally. It brings me out in a horrible rash. Its funny (hilarious!) that I also have a severe vitamin d deficiency. So as soon as the leaves turn and the nights quicken and the days are shorter I am happier. I have always been happier in the autumn winter months. Born in January I am well and truly a winter babe. I like it when the frost coats everything with its sparkly white. I like when leaves fall and you can see trees bones. I like wrapping up warm and wearing layers and black tights. I like the grey heavy skies, especially against damp green and yellow leaves. In Barcelona we don’t really get to experience these days very much. So when they do happen, when the fog is so thick you can’t see the top of the tall buildings, it makes my heart feel happy. I feel at home, finally. Cabin fever has well and truly settled in my bones. There is an itch I can’t scratch to get out and explore and see the world. However, as you all probably know due to me banging on about it, my body often doesn’t allow me out on great adventures. When I do get out it is to explore the hospital or to take the dog for a walk. On some of these walks I like to take my trusty camera along to record the glimpses pf the outside world. To capture them and remind my self that even the grey, dull mundane can be pretty.


We walked to one of Barcelona’s ugly parts, near the industrial seafront. Where there are remnants of the past old Barcelona. In its grey, industrial, vast glory. This is the side not often shown. I live really near here and can see the 3 towers of the factories in Badalona from my balcony. I like the massive slabs of concrete covering everything against the backdrop of the glistening sea and the puffy white clouds. Its a peaceful non touristy place here. Quite hard to come by.
The fog came about thick and fast, wrapping its misty fingers around everything. It looked like someone had breathed all over the tops of the buildings. It made the light all diffused and gloomy and the air damp. The smell of the sea thick in the air. I instantly felt homesick and nostalgic for the past and felt so alive and like myself once more in this weather. Something I have not felt for such a long long time. I miss the damp, gloomy cold so so much, it lives within my heart and my head and I feel like it is a part of me. Long live these cold, dark nights!

London Favourites v1


So once again its been a fair while. I have been struck down with a horrible flare up (sounds dramatic doesn’t it?!) with Lupus. Alas I digress as this post wasn’t meant to launch into a tirade of apologies and excuses. I have decided its far better for me to stick with posting when I really want to rather than trying to be all profesh blogger and scheduling and shiz. I don’t deal well with doing things I feel like I ought to or have promised my self. So more casual posting to resume. Phew!

As you all know we drove back to the green isle of England for the festive season. Me, Borja and a rather randy doggy- more deets to come soon again that story deserves its own (thrilling) post. Whenever we go to England we make sure that we visit London, it being so close to my dads. We drive to Epping and park and hop onto the tube always getting off at Liverpool St as the first point of call. We wander over to Spitalfields. Oh how its changed. The whole area. Its become a DisneyLand for hipsters. I suppose its been this way for years but I guess less marketed as it. Also people going to look cool and hipster spot. I mean yummy Mummys’ thinking they are so hip and cool and lot’so Euro Tourists thinking that THIS IS IT-true lahdon town “Londres is GUAY no?!” Tourist attraction. I jest jest, honestly as I am sure I am quite the same here. ANYWAY. I do still love its charm, the history of the east end of London. The fact that my family sorta originates from there (E17!) I love the scruffy streets mixed with regal churches and houses. I love the pure mixture of everything. Everything goes. I can see why it is easy to get caught up in its charm and atmosphere. Oh but dear Spitalfields though, how good you once were and how gentrified British quaint high-street you have become. For me there are still a few gems in amongst all of wank mason jar sipping bars and cafes types.

Here are my absolute favourites, there are many more but as ever there is NEVER the time. I always get sucked into some sort of weird time/energy vampire AKA London time. It WIPES me! We did plan to go to the tate but my body was flashing its good old battery light (something of a very common occurrence like a battered old car- Cheers LUPUS!)













Labour and Wait. I do love it so. Simple utilitarian design. Good old homeware mixed with modern classics and stationary. It is all a bit hipster (to my point above) and ridic to pay 40 quid for a brush. But SHH! Its good and I want everything there. Such a well designed store layout, a nice nostalgic nod to your little local hardware shop of yesteryears, however vamped up and well designed. Love the logo and the branding too. This is a def look and get inspired kinda place.










When we visited London it was one of those post christmas/post new year/post everything kind of days. Grey and misty fog. So very bitingly cold. We went from Brick Lane/ Shoreditch/ Spitalfields area towards Colombia market. However not really ever having visited before I was not sure of the times etc. We walked over as dusk was falling. Tired and very cold we got there to see all the market stalls packing up, one day I will get there early enough to see the flower market it all its glory. However upon deciding where to go we spotted this little beaut. As you step in you have to go through the most amazing vintage china shop (how fitting Me Old China!) towards the back. The shop is crammed full and its lovely staff guide you to the cafe. Cosy and bustling and looking like a mix of your grans front room. We had to have a hot chocolate to warm everything. It went down a treat. As did nice cafe chats and taking in all the glorious mismatched eclectic decor. I have written about my love of a good cafe before on this here blog. This one is up there on my very very favourites. I am thinking of making that a bit of a feature on my blog as I love nothing more than sitting in a good cafe collecting my thoughts and people watching. As mentioned the staff of this place were lovely, the kind man serving us eagerly told us there was soup etc to keep us warm- we were quite full and kindly declined his offer. The whole place was quite magical and a needed respite from London’s busy energy sucking atmosphere. I will have to go back!









Oh this place. Oh. I adore art shops. I first visited this place when my GCSE teacher took a select few of us (The A grade students huh) for a art day to visit the galleries and good book shops. This is the place that makes dreams come true. I remember being amazed at seeing all-the-goodness in one place. The way it smells, the colours of all the goods, the textures. All the materials in the world. This place is like a weird mecca for me, it brings me back to where I need to be and reminds me of who I am and myself. It also makes my wallet a lot lighter. I will do a what I got in Atlantis hauly-haul.

See in just putting together this post I have come up with 2 or 3 future blog post ideas. See you all in a month or two then 😉 NAH not really!